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Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16741) - you deserved it (77328)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

#2637433
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78846) - you deserved it (4742)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm - health - by Michael (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20424) - you deserved it (242385)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57340) - you deserved it (11022)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

#14023923
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (50732)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was eating jell-o and was reading a fact website, when I read that gelatin is made from the collagen in cow or pig bones. I'm vegetarian. FML

#13394926
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10504) - you deserved it (61736)

On 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11803) - you deserved it (51454)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39835) - you deserved it (4251)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41851) - you deserved it (2578)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

#2537729
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65102) - you deserved it (16474)

On 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

#8974087
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9251) - you deserved it (61706)

On 03/10/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

#16534562
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15401) - you deserved it (56451)

On 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43701) - you deserved it (19793)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada



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