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Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39670) - you deserved it (2430)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37188) - you deserved it (4001)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164865) - you deserved it (8448)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had sex with a Juggalo. FML

#16534562
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14710) - you deserved it (54577)

On 06/06/2011 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43857) - you deserved it (22515)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31065) - you deserved it (28079)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

#19821696
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6468) - you deserved it (66363)

On 06/21/2012 at 12:11am - work - by daddy'sgirl - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

#2935549
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39985) - you deserved it (27856)

On 06/16/2009 at 7:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17967) - you deserved it (228547)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

#15370334
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42408) - you deserved it (9340)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

#16640973
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56114) - you deserved it (4047)

On 06/13/2011 at 5:11am - misc - by Bechara (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38512) - you deserved it (129293)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)



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