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Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (386744) - you deserved it (20285)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

#16903308
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43586) - you deserved it (13227)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:51pm - misc - by Fresca11 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85721) - you deserved it (4098)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32168) - you deserved it (3820)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32777) - you deserved it (5996)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103369) - you deserved it (22413)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40582) - you deserved it (4325)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

#15940298
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52019) - you deserved it (9802)

On 04/26/2011 at 9:20pm - money - by Chad - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32802) - you deserved it (4944)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14898) - you deserved it (37508)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

#2881104
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31171) - you deserved it (55134)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47265) - you deserved it (24046)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)



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