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Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

#447
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8842) - you deserved it (53927)

On 12/04/2008 at 12:55am - intimacy - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

#1345
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9635) - you deserved it (33017)

On 01/16/2009 at 8:36am - intimacy - by fd - United States (Alabama)

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

#23513
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13089) - you deserved it (29358)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by tylerlove361 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

#176117
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41500) - you deserved it (3462)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:31pm - work - by bottlepoppin (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49962) - you deserved it (8831)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

#219438
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6070) - you deserved it (59706)

On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56137) - you deserved it (3608)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61100) - you deserved it (6533)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

#1050390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41530) - you deserved it (6646)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16009) - you deserved it (38845)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

#3292838
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45059) - you deserved it (4019)

On 06/28/2009 at 12:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

#3607672
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7889) - you deserved it (53135)

On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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