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Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

#3469225
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37764) - you deserved it (3164)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

#3600648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44694) - you deserved it (9798)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13841) - you deserved it (57048)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50680) - you deserved it (4582)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52959) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10817) - you deserved it (54181)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41892) - you deserved it (15739)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51350) - you deserved it (25703)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51009) - you deserved it (20872)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

#209594
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23011) - you deserved it (43322)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by girlie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

#243465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43565) - you deserved it (17955)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by serverdessert - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

#888437
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10563) - you deserved it (64996)

On 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

#20874883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37607) - you deserved it (12073)

On 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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