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Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33912) - you deserved it (4953)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (10325)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46341) - you deserved it (3256)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

#21098357
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44190) - you deserved it (3106)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:42am - work - by ClaustrophobicNightmares - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

#21143663
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43207) - you deserved it (4924)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:51am - kids - by WolfieJL (woman) - United States

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

#21161933
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36269) - you deserved it (5294)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by jennythezebra (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

#21149883
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22601) - you deserved it (34954)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got called a slut. I don't know what is worse, the fact I was called it or that I felt strangely flattered that the person thought I was getting any. FML

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50117) - you deserved it (3689)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43140) - you deserved it (4314)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38549) - you deserved it (2844)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35930) - you deserved it (4973)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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