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Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21344) - you deserved it (63704)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

#909539
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44818) - you deserved it (18746)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:07am - health - by masterdisaster (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

#3356894
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40896) - you deserved it (7884)

On 06/30/2009 at 2:07am - animals - by glowstick (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

#3145872
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9816) - you deserved it (61131)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Tygastyle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML

#1119408
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53857) - you deserved it (5119)

On 04/19/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

#3292838
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49129) - you deserved it (4365)

On 06/28/2009 at 12:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

#5561435
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40746) - you deserved it (5168)

On 09/30/2009 at 2:46am - work - by Alex (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21282) - you deserved it (45947)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

#2654744
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44920) - you deserved it (6744)

On 06/06/2009 at 6:24am - love - by Discostu80 - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43644) - you deserved it (3598)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12958) - you deserved it (35033)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12353) - you deserved it (57563)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12172) - you deserved it (49478)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)



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