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Today, I was stage managing a school show. Some kids were goofing off backstage, so I yelled at them that they could hurt themselves. While walking back to my chair, I tripped over my own feet and fell 5 feet off the stage. I shattered my cheekbone telling kids they would hurt themselves. FML

#994417
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47576) - you deserved it (11988)

On 04/15/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by AllThatJazz (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

#2935296
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36031) - you deserved it (5459)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:35am - kids - by inboxbuddies (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

#2885254
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44178) - you deserved it (3454)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

#3469225
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37756) - you deserved it (3164)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

#3600648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44689) - you deserved it (9798)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13840) - you deserved it (57047)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50677) - you deserved it (4582)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52959) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10815) - you deserved it (54180)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41892) - you deserved it (15738)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51348) - you deserved it (25699)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51005) - you deserved it (20872)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

#209594
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23006) - you deserved it (43319)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by girlie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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