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Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

#21035197
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38680) - you deserved it (3808)

On 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30263) - you deserved it (16193)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35643) - you deserved it (5225)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43716) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47754) - you deserved it (10510)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43990) - you deserved it (7131)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39364) - you deserved it (6966)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

#21126684
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41439) - you deserved it (4426)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

#21124188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38420) - you deserved it (5494)

On 04/27/2014 at 9:43am - love - by Amy (grossed out) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42407) - you deserved it (3575)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

#21185382
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38663) - you deserved it (23223)

On 06/23/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by AGB10 - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (14904)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32323) - you deserved it (5741)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)



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