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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

#14534217
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20040) - you deserved it (10120)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Isle of Man

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

#17219052
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28124) - you deserved it (2021)

On 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by coffee girl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

#14985221
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9235) - you deserved it (31946)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22900) - you deserved it (2718)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

#18811702
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (4111)

On 01/15/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by 9gingerface66 - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

#16364956
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (3955)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

#14990064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19949) - you deserved it (3529)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Goatbeard (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

#15020187
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25325) - you deserved it (5300)

On 02/17/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by peeved (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

#15401902
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18023) - you deserved it (9211)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:32pm - misc - by thebravelittletoaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

#15226088
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39640) - you deserved it (5596)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by dizzy (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

#20008267
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21236) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm - misc - by HazzaBoo - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

#15298829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25995) - you deserved it (12176)

On 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm - animals - by spaz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

#18761423
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19407) - you deserved it (2004)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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