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Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2015 at 8:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I sent my father a text asking when he was finally coming to meet his 4-month-old granddaughter. His response? "I forgot." He forgot he has a granddaughter. FML

by Feronia / 03/18/2015 at 9:16am / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

by therealkathl / 03/05/2015 at 8:32am / Austria / Love

Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2015 at 4:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

by Iwtumn / 03/17/2015 at 12:52pm / Austria / Health

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

by full bladder / 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

by sorrystupid / 06/02/2015 at 3:42am / United States / Money

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

by I-love-my-tea / 06/09/2015 at 6:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

by HURP / 06/17/2015 at 11:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

by Mmm / 07/25/2015 at 6:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous