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Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

by rawrrrr / 03/17/2010 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

by telefucked / 07/31/2010 at 3:35am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:40am / Vietnam / Animals

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

by WIno / 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I found out that the $200 a week I was paying my dad for my car insurance and payment, wasn't actually paying my insurance and car payment. How did I find out he wasn't paying? Repo man took my car. FML

by thankspops / 09/29/2010 at 7:04pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

by lightblue / 10/10/2010 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

by the_music_major / 10/18/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

by anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 3:30am / United States (Arkansas) / Love