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Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

#20709749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38418) - you deserved it (2796)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49480) - you deserved it (4139)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (5208)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40892) - you deserved it (3146)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47831) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

#20823044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35983) - you deserved it (17337)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:01am - animals - by Tea_baggins (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36331) - you deserved it (2510)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45384) - you deserved it (3368)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

#20858870
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35536) - you deserved it (3934)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:39am - misc - by oD_Ronan (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44966) - you deserved it (4306)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

#20889340
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (19144)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

#20891258
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33477) - you deserved it (7229)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:34am - misc - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

#20899435
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35715) - you deserved it (2432)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by ouharguohargssdf (man) - United States (Indiana)



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