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Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32415) - you deserved it (2723)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

#21419579
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27951) - you deserved it (1776)

On 06/02/2015 at 4:59am - work - by IrNatalie - United States (Arizona)

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

#21438172
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20567) - you deserved it (4222)

On 07/07/2015 at 8:52pm - health - by BigHelp (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

#21472860
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (3794)

On 09/26/2015 at 8:08am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was depressed so I went to the only bar in town. When I asked for a drink, I found out she works there as the bartender. FML

#21455384
80 comments

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

#21485888
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (1502)

On 10/29/2015 at 4:53pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

#21472798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9991) - you deserved it (31146)

On 09/26/2015 at 1:06am - misc - by halfie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

#21469110
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (1838)

On 09/16/2015 at 7:25am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

#21501579
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (2013)

On 12/08/2015 at 5:56pm - money - by *sigh* - United Kingdom

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

#21475579
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22547) - you deserved it (11660)

On 10/03/2015 at 3:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

#21489040
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (1993)

On 11/05/2015 at 11:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

#21481024
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23565) - you deserved it (4033)

On 10/17/2015 at 7:41am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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