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Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 5:34pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

by sicufovoshxbsjdk / 08/06/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

by aero00 / 07/27/2010 at 1:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

by Joplin / 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

by counselor / 08/25/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

by lifesuck / 09/19/2010 at 10:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

by Anon / 10/14/2010 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

by tukkies / 10/03/2010 at 5:23am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Transportation

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:08am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

by nanuka_g / 11/27/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids