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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

#19561012
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6752) - you deserved it (30169)

On 05/01/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by BoomHeadshot (woman) - Australia

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

#20075333
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22307) - you deserved it (2181)

On 09/16/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Blueberry (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

#20113680
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24054) - you deserved it (5070)

On 10/12/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by ClothesHorse (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

#19939490
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11128) - you deserved it (26146)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by RIP - United States

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

#20067411
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24690) - you deserved it (1415)

On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

#20120904
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (3825)

On 10/17/2012 at 11:53am - animals - by JennyPenny (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

#20002792
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19370) - you deserved it (2227)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

#19969861
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21578) - you deserved it (1513)

On 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm - work - by fuckdubstep51 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

#20047299
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21376) - you deserved it (2578)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:52am - money - by anon - United States (Maine)

Today, some kid decided to pee in the kids' play area at work. Because I was the shortest employee working at the time, I got to climb through the area to mop it up, while all the kids pointed and laughed at me. FML

#20089585
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20986) - you deserved it (1651)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:37pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

#20137716
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21196) - you deserved it (3536)

On 10/28/2012 at 9:53pm - health - by monkeylover996 (woman) - United States

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

#20119554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (1409)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

#20159093
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19566) - you deserved it (1533)

On 11/11/2012 at 3:27pm - misc - by Miki13 - Canada (Ontario)



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