Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

by edot / 01/15/2010 at 10:30pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

by mapleleafs34 / 01/17/2010 at 2:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

by Kylie / 01/26/2010 at 11:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

by monochromatic / 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

by lonelygirl / 02/14/2010 at 12:03am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

by arirx12 / 02/25/2010 at 5:29pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

by rawrrrr / 03/17/2010 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

by telefucked / 07/31/2010 at 3:35am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:40am / Vietnam / Animals

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Florida) / Health