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Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33419) - you deserved it (4895)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30166) - you deserved it (3120)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36476) - you deserved it (7264)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29446) - you deserved it (8301)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38533) - you deserved it (3069)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31422) - you deserved it (7810)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31417) - you deserved it (6329)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

#21317090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29707) - you deserved it (2552)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by konacoffee17 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37107) - you deserved it (2907)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

#21299788
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (6941)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35753) - you deserved it (5319)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

#21270631
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38563) - you deserved it (4170)

On 10/04/2014 at 12:31pm - misc - by runsinthefamily (man) - United States (Colorado)



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