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Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

#4203113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39458) - you deserved it (6459)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:58am - love - by Unclicked (woman) - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

#4471647
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48043) - you deserved it (2741)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:57am - misc - by dkajxu (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

#4297624
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47253) - you deserved it (2156)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:13am - money - by familydisaster (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6788) - you deserved it (45362)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

#4707579
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32338) - you deserved it (2563)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by ihatelongflights (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

#4441693
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16860) - you deserved it (37075)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:01am - love - by thanksjerk (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

#5721043
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9755) - you deserved it (30395)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

#5737700
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28113) - you deserved it (9834)

On 10/09/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38338) - you deserved it (2465)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

#4325647
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55802) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/06/2009 at 1:28am - love - by gkline09 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

#6002537
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32017) - you deserved it (2503)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Jack - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

#6070693
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9886) - you deserved it (35717)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by pimdala_major (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

#5867673
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (2256)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



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