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Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

by momma / 08/16/2013 at 11:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

by Jasmine_smilee / 09/02/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

by Frenchie / 09/12/2013 at 5:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

by Robert / 09/12/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

by ahuman / 09/29/2013 at 1:10am / United States / Kids

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

by Ixiion / 10/09/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

by Elcam / 10/16/2013 at 4:22am / Belgium / Work

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

by LFE / 10/16/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

by BreakingTheMood / 11/13/2013 at 1:08pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

by bsulyingb / 11/24/2013 at 2:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML