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Today, after meeting my new girlfriend, my mom dyed and cut her hair the exact same way my girlfriend has hers. FML

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

by srhoa01 / 07/05/2016 at 2:42am / Kids

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

by WhatTheF / 07/11/2016 at 1:42am / Kids

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

by mog907 / 07/25/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2016 at 7:49am / Australia / Work

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

by guh / 08/31/2016 at 11:54am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

by full moon / 09/07/2016 at 10:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

by disturbedgd / 09/14/2016 at 7:29am / South Africa / Work

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

by damnit / 10/27/2008 at 5:08am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

by tadam / 11/10/2008 at 4:11am / Work

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

by blawbo / 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

by w_t_f / 02/18/2009 at 4:16am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2009 at 3:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love