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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

#21073377
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37664) - you deserved it (4614)

On 02/27/2014 at 5:42pm - animals - by baxeh - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42071) - you deserved it (3946)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

#21083808
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36150) - you deserved it (2986)

On 03/11/2014 at 3:21am - misc - by why me? (man) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

#21086197
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41183) - you deserved it (8381) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/14/2014 at 12:33am - work - by LeChameauTrisomique - France (Centre)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38118) - you deserved it (4875)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

#21110183
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (5429)

On 04/11/2014 at 9:48am - misc - by brodinn (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47550) - you deserved it (2983)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

#21140812
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38180) - you deserved it (5063)

On 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm - kids - by jessicab72 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46349) - you deserved it (6792)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

#21149883
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21319) - you deserved it (33184)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50064) - you deserved it (3686)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37134) - you deserved it (7491)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML



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