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Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

by katrina2d / 01/27/2015 at 12:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2015 at 6:33am / United Kingdom (Barnet) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

by Investing in Toilet Seatbelts / 02/14/2015 at 4:46am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

by milked / 02/27/2015 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

by Anonynonynon / 02/13/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

by mareecasellafml / 03/27/2015 at 5:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

by birdsterrifyme / 03/23/2015 at 12:42am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

by why / 03/15/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

by f my lifw / 04/07/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

by CASH_NoMOMEY / 05/07/2015 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

by Distracted / 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work