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Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44358) - you deserved it (3298)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

#20838741
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54050) - you deserved it (3317)

On 08/15/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by Anonymous - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (4542)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

#20871260
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54849) - you deserved it (4697)

On 09/07/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by ...thanks (woman) - United States

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

#20887990
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44531) - you deserved it (3786)

On 09/19/2013 at 5:18pm - kids - by Smoothskin (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

#20893921
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42867) - you deserved it (3318)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:47am - kids - by cuntsmom (woman) - United States

Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

#20923929
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46226) - you deserved it (3701)

On 10/17/2013 at 12:34pm - health - by LegInPieces - United States (Washington)

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35790) - you deserved it (7001)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

#20941188
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41142) - you deserved it (10304)

On 11/01/2013 at 8:58am - money - by brokeasajoke - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

#20956268
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40746) - you deserved it (7467)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by fml - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

#20975074
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49017) - you deserved it (12014)

On 11/29/2013 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46866) - you deserved it (3216)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)



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