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Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

#420059
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70388) - you deserved it (7424)

On 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sebastian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

#516952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53477) - you deserved it (12041)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

#516140
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73226) - you deserved it (6589)

On 03/21/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by motherdearest (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a hospital in Uganda, where I'm working with an NGO for the summer. I had a high fever and other symptoms of malaria. They gave me a test, and I don't have malaria. I am now however sick from the water they gave me to wash down a medication to reduce fever. FML

#2880458
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40475) - you deserved it (2833)

On 06/14/2009 at 7:08am - health - by MalariaFree (woman) - Uganda (Kampala)

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

#5184573
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38200) - you deserved it (4420)

On 09/11/2009 at 7:57am - work - by howrude (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12421) - you deserved it (63332)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28839) - you deserved it (48688)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

#184275
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46221) - you deserved it (6285)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:58pm - work - by kimosabe (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

#278861
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22806) - you deserved it (73598)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by HansonLUVR (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

#1108096
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43012) - you deserved it (9724)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by hawaiiansokkrboi (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

#1585539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48555) - you deserved it (8483)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:37am - health - by bananayellowteeth (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37263) - you deserved it (23771)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I checked my bank balance, to make sure that the last installment of my funding had been paid in, and realised that I'd been overpaid by £500. So, being honest, I told my boss about this. Turns out, I wasn't overpaid by £500, I was overpaid by £1000 and need to give it all back. FML



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