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Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46427) - you deserved it (11398)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40480) - you deserved it (2524)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46668) - you deserved it (4080)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML

#20917563
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44039) - you deserved it (3591)

On 10/12/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

#20906200
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45155) - you deserved it (3581)

On 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48263) - you deserved it (5258)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

#20916326
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34351) - you deserved it (9891)

On 10/11/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by FriutlessApple (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20072) - you deserved it (39589)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

#20921768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46883) - you deserved it (4693)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by secretsmakefriends (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

#20942129
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40250) - you deserved it (6608)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:06am - love - by lucy_g (woman) - United States

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37796) - you deserved it (2907)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

#20955992
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39078) - you deserved it (2652)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:42am - work - by BagBoy (man) - United States

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

#20997138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (3481)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by romance sucks. (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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