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Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

#21189640
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38908) - you deserved it (4369)

On 06/26/2014 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26746) - you deserved it (3299)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

#20
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45288) - you deserved it (7576)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:29am - animals - by aXel -

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

#447
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8782) - you deserved it (53724)

On 12/04/2008 at 12:55am - intimacy - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22434) - you deserved it (5831)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

#1345
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9590) - you deserved it (32923)

On 01/16/2009 at 8:36am - intimacy - by fd - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23566) - you deserved it (5050)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28444) - you deserved it (5183)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

#20165
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7025) - you deserved it (57905)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by imwrong (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72235) - you deserved it (3780)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

#123831
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48616) - you deserved it (5463)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13453) - you deserved it (86040)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (38787)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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