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Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

#19119481
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22602) - you deserved it (5875)

On 02/20/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by vw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

#17171472
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25442) - you deserved it (11448)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by nataliepaige - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

#18118791
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (3500)

On 10/31/2011 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Hollywoodanonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

#17669656
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26255) - you deserved it (4946)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

#19601816
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8466) - you deserved it (25670)

On 05/10/2012 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

#19225607
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16235) - you deserved it (5939)

On 03/06/2012 at 2:20am - misc - by BlueBirdWings (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

#18996100
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6951) - you deserved it (37625)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm - money - by twiggy24 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

#19678152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22262) - you deserved it (2642)

On 05/25/2012 at 12:03pm - misc - by Lonely_Army (man) - Qatar

Today, my parents left on a trip. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days so we could spend them together. Then my grandparents turn up, "just for a few days, until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML

#19566748
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23709) - you deserved it (3285)

On 05/03/2012 at 12:39am - love - by homealone (man) - Canada

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

#20142449
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22476) - you deserved it (1554)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

#19884925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8693) - you deserved it (42162)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

#20062839
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22009) - you deserved it (1725)

On 09/08/2012 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

#19832041
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24695) - you deserved it (1618)

On 06/23/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Coffee Boy - United States (Missouri)



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