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Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

#17129735
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34016) - you deserved it (16427)

On 07/16/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by McKenna - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

#18093581
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (2500)

On 10/28/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18056) - you deserved it (12801)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

#18353001
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10399) - you deserved it (28881)

On 11/26/2011 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

#20079735
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21657) - you deserved it (2529)

On 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm - kids - by Judy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

#19603666
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21079) - you deserved it (1878)

On 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm - love - by brannonjames - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

#18497934
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (2630)

On 12/12/2011 at 9:04pm - misc - by unknown - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

#20126324
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19753) - you deserved it (1218)

On 10/21/2012 at 6:31am - health - by leaftheerickson (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6378) - you deserved it (27768)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

#19366084
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20902) - you deserved it (1546)

On 03/28/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by deadgrass (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

#19385334
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6124) - you deserved it (28711)

On 03/31/2012 at 10:52pm - misc - by whatnow - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

#19115429
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8060) - you deserved it (21581)

On 02/19/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by queenbee12345678 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

#19200358
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (24684)

On 03/02/2012 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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