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Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

#20720453
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58706) - you deserved it (2896)

On 06/11/2013 at 10:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47235) - you deserved it (4987)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53875) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25522) - you deserved it (32202)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I politely asked a patron to be quieter; I was hit in the face. I work in a library. FML

#20750109
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (3490)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:02am - work - by rubgy_lover - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

#20758244
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47273) - you deserved it (8580)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

#20776380
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58460) - you deserved it (3606)

On 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by yayme. - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

#20775203
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49513) - you deserved it (5128)

On 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58450) - you deserved it (12240)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

#20801253
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44152) - you deserved it (2937)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm - kids - by ouch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

#20799167
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44046) - you deserved it (3310)

On 07/23/2013 at 9:21am - misc - by why (man) -

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

#20809869
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41024) - you deserved it (19065)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

#20821917
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42999) - you deserved it (4239)

On 08/05/2013 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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