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Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2014 at 12:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

by AFH2O / 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

by Tampax / 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm / Spain (Castilla-La Mancha) / Health

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

by fucksake / 10/05/2014 at 11:55am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

by Mc2013 / 10/12/2014 at 1:38pm / United States / Health

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

by ugh / 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

by LonelyGuy / 12/15/2014 at 6:59am / Australia / Love

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

by period_probs / 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

by nick / 01/12/2015 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work