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Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

by helplesslover / 10/04/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

by cl512 / 09/18/2009 at 9:33am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

by needs_another_loan / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

by seriousdubsteplover / 10/30/2009 at 1:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

by prince-charming / 11/07/2009 at 5:12am / Kuwait / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

by iGotSkill / 10/30/2009 at 9:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

by abdominates / 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

by CoffeeBoy / 11/06/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

by fmfl / 11/17/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

by B_McG / 11/25/2009 at 1:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

by lol smiley face / 11/28/2009 at 10:57am / United States / Love