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Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36401) - you deserved it (10680)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

#21192976
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41240) - you deserved it (11269)

On 06/29/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49385) - you deserved it (4489)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by zl5 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

#21302927
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32854) - you deserved it (2555)

On 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by spreadburger - United States (Florida)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32771) - you deserved it (3103)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38098) - you deserved it (4566)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21795) - you deserved it (41118)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38617) - you deserved it (3388)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40318) - you deserved it (4348)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - work - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

#21324775
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33349) - you deserved it (2561)

On 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34214) - you deserved it (5395)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31651) - you deserved it (15700)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37848) - you deserved it (3059)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)



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