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Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

by facepalming all the way / 07/19/2015 at 2:02am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

by dollfacee / 07/09/2015 at 12:51pm / United States / Love

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

by bbcgj / 07/04/2015 at 5:30am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

by Lucachoo / 07/25/2015 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

by MoxleyCrue / 08/17/2015 at 3:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

by Whiteheads / 08/26/2015 at 12:33am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

by dannidoll93 / 08/22/2015 at 10:59am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 8:03pm / Kids

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

by Anon E. Mouse / 09/15/2015 at 7:47am / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

by vanillapudding6 / 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

by itsbeenalongday / 09/27/2015 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 8:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love