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Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17319) - you deserved it (4535)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

#7105226
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22431) - you deserved it (3379)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:24pm - work - by Bathroom Problems - France

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

#7146444
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10705) - you deserved it (32126)

On 01/04/2010 at 2:20pm - money - by WorkSexMonkey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

#7160952
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27645) - you deserved it (4774)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - India (Madhya Pradesh)

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

#7550424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31362) - you deserved it (3930)

On 01/24/2010 at 6:58pm - kids - by owned (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

#7570028
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26096) - you deserved it (2396)

On 01/25/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by ptwm (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

#7470937
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27428) - you deserved it (2332)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:33am - work - by Bob (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11046) - you deserved it (20427)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

#14356435
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21559) - you deserved it (7583)

On 12/27/2010 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

#8791575
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21015) - you deserved it (2294)

On 03/03/2010 at 1:06am - animals - by MetalAtlas (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24484) - you deserved it (5485)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

#8740298
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18593) - you deserved it (3483)

On 03/01/2010 at 1:43am - love - by duckwater (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

#13273584
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30025) - you deserved it (3247)

On 10/01/2010 at 5:09am - misc - by T - Sent from mobile version



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