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Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8572) - you deserved it (36298)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

#6591482
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30915) - you deserved it (2345)

On 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by holla1787 (man) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29446) - you deserved it (3645)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25654) - you deserved it (3368)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39673) - you deserved it (2217)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

#6841945
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9752) - you deserved it (30908)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
79 comments

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#7333301
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11301) - you deserved it (22163)

On 01/14/2010 at 1:59am - work - by OverweightTeen (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

#7475893
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25620) - you deserved it (7063)

On 01/21/2010 at 3:20pm - health - by imalwaystired - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23504) - you deserved it (11267)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

#7526935
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22915) - you deserved it (5167)

On 01/23/2010 at 7:15pm - health - by Queasy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40774) - you deserved it (3193)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

#7544484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32153) - you deserved it (4163)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm - health - by LadyLump (woman) - United States (California)



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