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Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

#18097462
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (2797)

On 10/28/2011 at 4:59pm - misc - by Weldingtags (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

#15000870
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29791) - you deserved it (11811)

On 02/16/2011 at 9:26am - health - by mojolady -

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

#16150933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32863) - you deserved it (2762)

On 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Eric -

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (4093)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

#16935990
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (3115)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:27pm - misc - by tbalboa - United States

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24662) - you deserved it (4194)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

#17120359
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30839) - you deserved it (9580)

On 07/15/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

#17157621
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33264) - you deserved it (3386)

On 07/18/2011 at 1:09am - misc - by Kurochrome - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my brother told the family that if you pull on the dog's back foot then she always obeys. I later found my mom tugging on the dog's foot whispering "jump off a cliff" repeatedly. FML

#17531478
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30211) - you deserved it (2422)

On 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by lala7 - United States

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

#19580069
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23930) - you deserved it (3557)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

#16024989
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31148) - you deserved it (4242)

On 05/02/2011 at 9:41pm - health - by wtf1234 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

#16062957
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35943) - you deserved it (3261)

On 05/05/2011 at 11:41pm - money - by MrFerret -

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

#19545380
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (2912)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:55pm - misc - by thyisnothorses - United States (Massachusetts)



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