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Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34238) - you deserved it (4529)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36440) - you deserved it (7260)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38482) - you deserved it (3064)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21710) - you deserved it (1896)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

#21221072
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44482) - you deserved it (4021)

On 07/26/2014 at 11:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36774) - you deserved it (3203)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31373) - you deserved it (6323)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32568) - you deserved it (4755)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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