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Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

by marriedtoacunt / 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2012 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

by racking-leaves / 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 7:51pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

by Saduglydad / 12/12/2012 at 11:05am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love

Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

by marriedtoatool / 12/26/2012 at 1:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

by lifebecrazed / 01/17/2013 at 11:57am / Work

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

by anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2013 at 4:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

by kylie18xx21 / 02/01/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous