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Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47215) - you deserved it (2972)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

#21126684
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41384) - you deserved it (4415)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

#21146606
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36586) - you deserved it (4952)

On 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (3572)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

#21202583
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40275) - you deserved it (3802)

On 07/08/2014 at 4:40am - misc - by crippled (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37701) - you deserved it (2587)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

#21246432
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37226) - you deserved it (8802)

On 08/27/2014 at 1:19pm - misc - by spark - United States (California)

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

#21185382
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38634) - you deserved it (23208)

On 06/23/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by AGB10 - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

#21241662
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40572) - you deserved it (2830)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm - love - by ithinkicanmakeit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28830) - you deserved it (14893)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

#21223790
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37325) - you deserved it (8697)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30516) - you deserved it (3542)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

#21228632
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37509) - you deserved it (12113)

On 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by really though? - United States (Delaware)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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