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Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

#260115
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52282) - you deserved it (14847)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:53am - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

#273030
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26674) - you deserved it (60330)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by SoggyPancakes (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

#588112
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59690) - you deserved it (14238)

On 03/24/2009 at 9:48pm - love - by sarah_sad (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML

#1143838
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43325) - you deserved it (4487)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:20am - health - by Novocain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

#1719751
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42369) - you deserved it (3717)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm - work - by nojob (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

#5013667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16343) - you deserved it (33274)

On 09/03/2009 at 1:05am - work - by yogabbagabba (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

#5737045
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22523) - you deserved it (5175)

On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

#4310988
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33699) - you deserved it (5381)

On 08/05/2009 at 3:36pm - work - by TMI (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45553) - you deserved it (12023)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

#4646350
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10473) - you deserved it (48281)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Life of the party - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

#5389483
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47856) - you deserved it (2607)

On 09/21/2009 at 5:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

#4543711
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41634) - you deserved it (15585)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:50am - love - by slipperyhands (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML

#5539154
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30514) - you deserved it (2622)

On 09/28/2009 at 10:57pm - work - by justfired (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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