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Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49513) - you deserved it (15995)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

#882663
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46703) - you deserved it (9899)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:16am - misc - by atang (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

#3383261
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41768) - you deserved it (6606)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41712) - you deserved it (9262)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

#3269585
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42155) - you deserved it (4659)

On 06/27/2009 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6241) - you deserved it (51091)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

#1287200
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30286) - you deserved it (16095)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by papergirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

#3528388
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38709) - you deserved it (3739)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by JMU (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

#3305444
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14891) - you deserved it (43636)

On 06/28/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

#2966827
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36654) - you deserved it (4741)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

#2953608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40342) - you deserved it (4055)

On 06/16/2009 at 8:59pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35962) - you deserved it (21160)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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