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Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell so bad?" I replied "sweat". FML

#672
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14015) - you deserved it (35245)

On 01/01/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

#704
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6804) - you deserved it (27942)

On 01/04/2009 at 10:57pm - misc - by Rush Snake - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

#1554
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42543) - you deserved it (2426)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:41am - love - by Wenny - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21207) - you deserved it (5697)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

#4196
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (5832)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Yoshi - United States (California)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47813) - you deserved it (2931)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49048) - you deserved it (15156)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

#5942
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24144) - you deserved it (17883)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:48am - health - by mrb72 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

#11033
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32633) - you deserved it (2913)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Fag_Hag (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

#24455
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26248) - you deserved it (16348)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

#84898
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42331) - you deserved it (2440)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52526) - you deserved it (9239)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

#250942
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76657) - you deserved it (5493)

On 03/09/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by NowABlonde (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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