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Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53277) - you deserved it (4198)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

#2071358
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45721) - you deserved it (2783)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:17am - health - by OUCH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to cover for my coworker who didn't turn up for work. He is always late for work and I was pissed off about having to cover for him again so I said to my colleagues "He better be either in hospital or dead." Turns out he was dead. FML

#5403982
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40021) - you deserved it (12592)

On 09/21/2009 at 10:06pm - work - by mcdeez (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

#4974639
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41945) - you deserved it (3029)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:07am - money - by overdriven07 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink, he smiled and winked back. When I finished work 2 hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

#5017787
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47506) - you deserved it (3702)

On 09/03/2009 at 9:27am - work - by Pop_Pies (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

#5925433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37197) - you deserved it (6071)

On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36995) - you deserved it (2368)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

#5825419
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33528) - you deserved it (1542)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

#5413362
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39214) - you deserved it (5496)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

#4404905
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37410) - you deserved it (3851)

On 08/09/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by itendstonight (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

#3838963
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41875) - you deserved it (3893)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

#3910335
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46414) - you deserved it (4059)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:00pm - love - by dwellswithin (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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