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Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

by pizzafaceinc / 03/01/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

by 0867142 / 02/26/2010 at 7:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

by ThoroughlyCreepedOut / 03/06/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

by ohemgee / 03/10/2010 at 10:03pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

by Relevance / 08/13/2010 at 12:03am / United States / Money

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

by tj / 08/26/2010 at 12:11am / United States / Love

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

by DormHater / 08/23/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I awoke to find that my car had been burglarized in my own driveway and several hundred dollars worth of electronics were stolen. I only later discovered that my campus parking pass had also been stolen when I got a $75 ticket while taking a chemistry test. FML

by 1129 / 06/15/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

by pritch44 / 06/17/2010 at 12:12pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

by udnrizh / 10/07/2010 at 10:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

by >{%£•¥ / 11/27/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

by Username / 10/19/2010 at 11:24am / Work