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Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

#21129594
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41955) - you deserved it (4907)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by wtf - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (46258)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

#21252905
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38764) - you deserved it (3028)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by UghDude (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

#21166210
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (13759)

On 06/07/2014 at 3:16pm - work - by fstfckd (man) - United States

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

#21173506
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39934) - you deserved it (3745)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by Little Miss Fucket (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

#21196146
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46989) - you deserved it (4685)

On 07/02/2014 at 11:54am - intimacy - by unwanted daughter (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41094) - you deserved it (3969)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35110) - you deserved it (6738)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43370) - you deserved it (3974)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37701) - you deserved it (4675)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38328) - you deserved it (3347)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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