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Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

#21276741
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34598) - you deserved it (3224)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:13am - animals - by MissBeyoncé - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (4525)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (3353)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (5025)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16789) - you deserved it (27840)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

#1751
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18476) - you deserved it (3293)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by lovekills99 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

#1986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5389) - you deserved it (40731)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Wititipwitpwit - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32331) - you deserved it (7373)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

#3109528
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36217) - you deserved it (18539)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by FathersDay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

#3435497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (6066)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Damnsoup (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML

#1119408
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49836) - you deserved it (4751)

On 04/19/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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