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Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

#17708531
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9456) - you deserved it (47306)

On 09/10/2011 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21483) - you deserved it (1908)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

#18572612
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25554) - you deserved it (12153)

On 12/21/2011 at 6:36pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

#19039912
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (4554)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:37am - love - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

#19245415
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19805) - you deserved it (2081)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:12pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

#17954087
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22927) - you deserved it (2634)

On 10/10/2011 at 7:11pm - love - by crapedup - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

#18781319
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24441) - you deserved it (2160)

On 01/12/2012 at 12:00am - kids - by tiredoffamilydinners (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

#18144949
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23367) - you deserved it (3679)

On 11/03/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21156) - you deserved it (2387)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

#19083975
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20174) - you deserved it (2530)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:09am - animals - by workaholic (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

#19092080
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11679) - you deserved it (28899)

On 02/16/2012 at 7:49am - misc - by Kramer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

#19720849
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23705) - you deserved it (6591)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:55pm - love - by Norwegian (man) - Norway

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

#19672620
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17724) - you deserved it (1932)

On 05/24/2012 at 12:41pm - misc - by that guy - United States



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