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Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

by J.Smith / 01/15/2009 at 11:12am / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

by Wenny / 01/18/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML

by Yoshi / 01/31/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

by feenix89 / 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

by Lily / 02/21/2009 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

by AnnaMarie. / 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

by Depressed / 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

by NowABlonde / 03/09/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

by chefdujour / 03/15/2009 at 12:56am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

by Betsydoll / 03/28/2009 at 11:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

by GT716 / 04/07/2009 at 8:50am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

by poopedon / 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals