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Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

by Mike Polk / 10/03/2011 at 8:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sit patiently at the checkout at work, listening to my own father rant about how the twinkies he was buying were "twice the size back in my day", and how "you could buy a dozen of these suckers for just 10 cents." He didn't stop there. No, he tried to haggle over the price. FML

by Angelica / 10/27/2011 at 9:48pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

by Nicole557 / 11/03/2011 at 6:56am / United States / Animals

Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML

by xJade2012x / 11/24/2011 at 2:58am / United States / Health

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

by anon / 11/29/2011 at 6:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

by digressions / 12/29/2011 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

by aylla / 01/06/2012 at 12:51pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Health

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

by prettysmellingbedroom / 02/15/2012 at 9:18am / United States / Health

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

by Laura / 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

by Sios / 04/11/2012 at 11:06am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous