Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

by asdfjkl / 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

by Humiliated / 09/14/2009 at 8:58am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

by cl512 / 09/18/2009 at 9:33am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

by needs_another_loan / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

by seriousdubsteplover / 10/30/2009 at 1:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my friend uses pictures of me to motivate her to work out. They are accompanied by sayings such as "you don't want to turn out like this." FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2009 at 12:47am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

by prince-charming / 11/07/2009 at 5:12am / Kuwait / Work

Today, they are pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I am three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 12:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

by abdominates / 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

by CoffeeBoy / 11/06/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2009 at 4:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous