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Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

#13734047
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24568) - you deserved it (14275)

On 11/06/2010 at 1:18am - kids - by Username - France

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

#13850152
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24706) - you deserved it (4807)

On 11/15/2010 at 4:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

#13982086
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18543) - you deserved it (8547)

On 11/26/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

#14234557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27603) - you deserved it (3025)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:23am - health - by BYUwildchild - United States

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

#14389262
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18006) - you deserved it (2442)

On 12/30/2010 at 12:08am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

#14505215
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27620) - you deserved it (3779)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML

#14548821
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7089) - you deserved it (29203)

On 01/11/2011 at 9:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27257) - you deserved it (1511)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

#14923153
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20639) - you deserved it (11120)

On 02/10/2011 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

#17958563
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (3400)

On 10/11/2011 at 7:52am - work - by anon - United States

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

#15272926
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28173) - you deserved it (2611)

On 03/11/2011 at 6:28am - misc - by ieatoreos -

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

#19530940
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21792) - you deserved it (3834)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by somefamily (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26488) - you deserved it (3098)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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