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Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

#7014156
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (2416)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by runescapeftw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

#7020893
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10532) - you deserved it (22023)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by queen (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)

Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

#6979481
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24228) - you deserved it (6112)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:36pm - kids - by Jen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

#6961000
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26633) - you deserved it (12362)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by blahppl14 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

#7016901
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8501) - you deserved it (35537)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by FMLimsomad (man) - United States

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
78 comments

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

#7167765
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30058) - you deserved it (2417)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm - money - by Arsinoe (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

#7121282
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36088) - you deserved it (3734)

On 01/03/2010 at 4:56am - love - by CP19JK12KH (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

#7550424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33699) - you deserved it (4144)

On 01/24/2010 at 6:58pm - kids - by owned (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML

#8160504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25360) - you deserved it (2927)

On 02/12/2010 at 6:39am - health - by Stressy (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

#7423840
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30202) - you deserved it (2659)

On 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

#7377706
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33408) - you deserved it (7520)

On 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm - misc - by be_so_slick_56 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23628) - you deserved it (11287)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)



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