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Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71959) - you deserved it (4572)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70361) - you deserved it (7809)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64633) - you deserved it (4261)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

#5364824
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33723) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

#850361
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55806) - you deserved it (12509)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:50am - work - by GT716 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

#2761787
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46718) - you deserved it (2736)

On 06/09/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by vishurricanes (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51030) - you deserved it (16040)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

#3053433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38479) - you deserved it (4455)

On 06/20/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by DesDri (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

#1933415
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41774) - you deserved it (14848)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by shrimp41 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

#2107196
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15543) - you deserved it (47491)

On 05/20/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by catlover (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML

#227802
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19753) - you deserved it (47159)

On 03/06/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by jacks_smirking_revenge (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

#485057
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58108) - you deserved it (13512)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

#873134
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68008) - you deserved it (3582)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)



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