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Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

#6325781
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9921) - you deserved it (38607)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by baddaughter (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

#6732591
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33969) - you deserved it (5995)

On 12/13/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by manutdlol - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

#6747789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25074) - you deserved it (8478)

On 12/14/2009 at 1:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

#6789867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9580) - you deserved it (41453)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:58am - animals - by AnRom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

#6482336
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32420) - you deserved it (9519)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

#6497491
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41339) - you deserved it (3031)

On 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm - health - by IndieRox (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

#7014156
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28018) - you deserved it (2416)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by runescapeftw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

#7020893
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10532) - you deserved it (22023)

On 12/29/2009 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by queen (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)

Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

#6979481
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24228) - you deserved it (6112)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:36pm - kids - by Jen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

#6961000
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26632) - you deserved it (12362)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by blahppl14 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

#7016901
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8501) - you deserved it (35537)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by FMLimsomad (man) - United States

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
78 comments

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

#7167765
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30057) - you deserved it (2417)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm - money - by Arsinoe (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)



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