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Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

#21035197
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38287) - you deserved it (3773)

On 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30215) - you deserved it (16182)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35328) - you deserved it (5187)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43644) - you deserved it (3057)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (7106)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46705) - you deserved it (2943)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

#21126684
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41349) - you deserved it (4410)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42356) - you deserved it (3569)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

#21146606
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36565) - you deserved it (4951)

On 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

#21185382
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38603) - you deserved it (23199)

On 06/23/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by AGB10 - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28816) - you deserved it (14881)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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