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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

#5948720
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9585) - you deserved it (38833)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

#6152336
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27460) - you deserved it (4132)

On 11/04/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML

#6351761
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30491) - you deserved it (3690)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:50am - animals - by Slivered - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

#6282921
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7947) - you deserved it (37752)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:45am - love - by cndpost (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

#6258074
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37558) - you deserved it (3204)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

#6321583
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33390) - you deserved it (3818)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

#6438315
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44689) - you deserved it (2448)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by DayamyWuzHere (woman) - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

#6192085
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (4466)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:12am - health - by chairlee (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

#6325781
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9921) - you deserved it (38607)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by baddaughter (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

#6732591
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33969) - you deserved it (5995)

On 12/13/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by manutdlol - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

#6747789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25074) - you deserved it (8478)

On 12/14/2009 at 1:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

#6789867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9580) - you deserved it (41453)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:58am - animals - by AnRom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

#6482336
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32418) - you deserved it (9519)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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