Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

#21140812
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38116) - you deserved it (5057)

On 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm - kids - by jessicab72 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45413) - you deserved it (6682)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

#21149883
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21294) - you deserved it (33144)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm babysitting two 6 year old kids. One of them won't stop screaming, and the other kid found his mom's vibrator and won't stop playing spaceship with it. The parents will be home in an hour. FML

#21157917
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40691) - you deserved it (4935)

On 05/31/2014 at 2:40am - kids - by moomanjohnny - United States (California)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50003) - you deserved it (3682)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

#21187067
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37060) - you deserved it (7479)

On 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by massachusettsan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

#21191359
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43272) - you deserved it (6162)

On 06/28/2014 at 10:08am - misc - by Puzzlepiece - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41104) - you deserved it (12626)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

#21321170
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30317) - you deserved it (3670)

On 12/20/2014 at 10:37pm - love - by sexualpopcorn - United States (California)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you deserved it (4557)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: