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Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

#1751
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (3426)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by lovekills99 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21062) - you deserved it (5679)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

#70885
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53119) - you deserved it (8420)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm - health - by blawbo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15190) - you deserved it (59754)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

#232169
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69042) - you deserved it (6231)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by ladeda (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54464) - you deserved it (3898)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

#243947
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82376) - you deserved it (4343)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm - love - by Depressed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81631) - you deserved it (6927)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

#1090748
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46963) - you deserved it (9690)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

#3307741
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7144) - you deserved it (68749)

On 06/28/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

#1720755
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47500) - you deserved it (7010)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by sleepyt127 - United States (New York)

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

#1958201
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14912) - you deserved it (41092)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:20am - kids - by Sodge (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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