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Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44759) - you deserved it (4764)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

#20764590
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50585) - you deserved it (2933)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37442) - you deserved it (7786)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

#20779010
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37637) - you deserved it (8966)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:37am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

#20791582
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46148) - you deserved it (2605)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:29am - misc - by the unfortunate man - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

#20821467
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34862) - you deserved it (7852)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

#20816755
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35893) - you deserved it (3255)

On 08/02/2013 at 8:41am - love - by chickety boom - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29789) - you deserved it (58241)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40051) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40345) - you deserved it (2922)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realized it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48334) - you deserved it (3347)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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