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Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

by sandra22 / 01/22/2011 at 3:49am / Miscellaneous

Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2011 at 12:00pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Miscellaneous

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 3:13pm / United States / Work

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

by mentallyscarred / 01/31/2011 at 4:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML

by Heretique / 02/09/2011 at 4:30am / Norway (Finnmark) / Miscellaneous

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

by vikingunicorn / 02/03/2011 at 7:52am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 12:50am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

by geoduck / 02/10/2011 at 12:31am / United States / Work

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

by unwantedlove / 02/25/2011 at 1:36pm / France / Intimacy

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

by embarassed / 03/20/2011 at 12:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

by zks / 03/24/2011 at 4:53am / Love

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

by lily389 / 03/21/2011 at 1:02am / Health

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

by burntloyalty / 03/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States / Health