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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34547) - you deserved it (1970)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

#1389
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (2459)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Ohai - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

#2729
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46474) - you deserved it (2341)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40324) - you deserved it (8078)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21290) - you deserved it (4195)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

#4680199
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39564) - you deserved it (18247)

On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

#129411
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53651) - you deserved it (6002)

On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52253) - you deserved it (3471)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

#4525177
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41770) - you deserved it (7453)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by ragsy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

#464379
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82909) - you deserved it (4264)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

#482680
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12603) - you deserved it (76878)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

#459140
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16457) - you deserved it (92786)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

#3356894
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37501) - you deserved it (7419)

On 06/30/2009 at 2:07am - animals - by glowstick (woman) - United States (California)



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