Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

by Anon Y. Mous / 10/02/2015 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

by dramaqueen15 / 10/15/2015 at 10:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

by GonnaLockUpMySpices / 10/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

by not anymore / 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

by Secret Isis supporter / 11/18/2015 at 7:52pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

by michelle / 11/15/2015 at 10:21am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Kids

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

by PerturbedStudent / 12/09/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

by sparkus / 12/15/2015 at 10:15am / Health

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

by Dexter_39476 / 01/24/2016 at 12:40am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, my whack job of a father told my 8-year-old son that his cat deserves a bullet to the head for being so damn stupid. FML

by whydadwhy / 01/29/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

by irony / 02/25/2016 at 10:08am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I made the decision to lighten my hair from dark brown to blonde. I thought the stylist knew what she was doing, but I ended up with my hair fried off and orange. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2016 at 9:52am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous