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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

#7268268
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (4068)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:37pm - misc - by Hayley (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

#10132808
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9590) - you deserved it (41444)

On 04/25/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML

#13431909
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6530) - you deserved it (29527)

On 10/13/2010 at 7:58am - animals - by SoundConfuser - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

#8675398
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23468) - you deserved it (2505)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

#9098787
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24943) - you deserved it (5136)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:50am - health - by pizzaface (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20100) - you deserved it (5559)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

#13433594
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8565) - you deserved it (31965)

On 10/13/2010 at 12:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

#13496541
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27033) - you deserved it (2389)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

#12985084
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9765) - you deserved it (33035)

On 09/10/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

#13812694
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9673) - you deserved it (28126)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Hallands Lan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

#14494022
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31485) - you deserved it (3385)

On 01/07/2011 at 3:41am - love - by bunnyyy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

#14185892
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34379) - you deserved it (4920)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:32am - love - by fordn4h - United States (Colorado)



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