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Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52478) - you deserved it (11932)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

#21120721
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36730) - you deserved it (13458)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:54am - misc - by killmenow (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

#21126684
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44258) - you deserved it (4737)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

#21128713
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38949) - you deserved it (4268)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

#21151774
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43903) - you deserved it (4318)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

#21165275
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50726) - you deserved it (4128)

On 06/06/2014 at 7:09pm - health - by wo-ow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

#21186073
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43333) - you deserved it (5349)

On 06/24/2014 at 12:35am - love - by over prtective father (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

#21187386
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47352) - you deserved it (5877)

On 06/25/2014 at 12:29am - misc - by pierced. - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31576) - you deserved it (7837)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38566) - you deserved it (8035)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

#21202583
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42170) - you deserved it (4014)

On 07/08/2014 at 4:40am - misc - by crippled (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33376) - you deserved it (3899)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)



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