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Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59123) - you deserved it (5626)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

#21058102
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46679) - you deserved it (3503)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to proofread a document my boss had written. When I pointed out that he spelled "college" as "collage" multiple times, he angrily accused me of trying to make him look stupid. This is the guy who constantly boasts about his "genius" IQ level to the whole office. FML

#21071350
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40507) - you deserved it (3358)

On 02/25/2014 at 3:42pm - work - by cunting cuntface of a boss (man) - Australia

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

#21098906
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40328) - you deserved it (3558)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

#21106078
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45258) - you deserved it (13302)

On 04/06/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

#21113059
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40935) - you deserved it (5170)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm - misc - by stupidcunt (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

#21117173
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47527) - you deserved it (4040)

On 04/19/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by reb (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

#21149888
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51822) - you deserved it (4939)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:14am - love - by SE011194 - United States (Georgia)

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

#21121714
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44551) - you deserved it (5086)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:32am - work - by me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

#21140812
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41517) - you deserved it (5429)

On 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm - kids - by jessicab72 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

#21150544
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49956) - you deserved it (4028)

On 05/24/2014 at 7:57pm - misc - by Congrats to me - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a very serious case of the shits while in the middle of trying to close a sale, and had to run to the bathroom. My coworker picked up the sale, stealing all the commission in the process. FML



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