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Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28994) - you deserved it (7325) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

#20587655
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39909) - you deserved it (22680)

On 04/13/2013 at 5:21am - misc - by really? - United States

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47301) - you deserved it (4284)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60624) - you deserved it (9154)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

#20656960
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53919) - you deserved it (9064)

On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20185) - you deserved it (45906)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

#20717602
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46487) - you deserved it (4002)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by sadgirl - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

#20714140
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (8078)

On 06/08/2013 at 7:43pm - misc - by purged (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42960) - you deserved it (3100)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

#20727839
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35854) - you deserved it (5134)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:08pm - misc - by ineedbetterfriends (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40280) - you deserved it (7784)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

#20835323
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40756) - you deserved it (6132)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by cookiemonster (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, the family I live with decided that beer is a more important purchase than the things we need, such as detergent, soap, and toilet paper, just to name a few things. Apparently, paper towels should suffice. FML



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