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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (3146)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

#7336646
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (4608)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by Nosexytime - United States

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

#7354954
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (2625)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

#8737803
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25035) - you deserved it (5571)

On 03/01/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by theholt (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23320) - you deserved it (2313)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

#13372887
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20683) - you deserved it (6240)

On 10/09/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Rob - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

#13868959
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11109) - you deserved it (22989)

On 11/16/2010 at 8:21pm - misc - by genderbender (woman) - Reserved

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

#14151880
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (4998)

On 12/10/2010 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

#14442409
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (2594)

On 01/02/2011 at 7:36pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

#13496771
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27529) - you deserved it (2915)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23am - love - by sugar - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

#16927788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26534) - you deserved it (2396)

On 06/30/2011 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

#13550544
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28132) - you deserved it (2936)

On 10/22/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (More og Romsdal)

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

#13458885
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10041) - you deserved it (29085)

On 10/15/2010 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Nepal



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