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Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

#20524651
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27523) - you deserved it (2257)

On 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by Chelsea - United States (Ohio)

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (6567) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

#20520875
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27219) - you deserved it (3270)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by why the fuck would you do that - United States (Arizona)

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

#20547816
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29131) - you deserved it (2193)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:00pm - work - by innocentbarista (man) - United States (California)

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43125) - you deserved it (3027)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (7468)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

#20616531
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46412) - you deserved it (3611)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by traitor (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

#20598583
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26760) - you deserved it (32793)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:51am - money - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40032) - you deserved it (4753)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

#20627066
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39415) - you deserved it (15294)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:28am - health - by msarosi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20640490
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39309) - you deserved it (14772)

On 05/04/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by Tickettoride (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

#20684818
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45379) - you deserved it (8323)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:37am - kids - by Laurel (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

#20700580
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42700) - you deserved it (4300)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by fucker43 - United States (Georgia)



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