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Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

#20757745
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18963) - you deserved it (59097)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43202) - you deserved it (4699)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

#20833982
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45588) - you deserved it (4070)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by idonteven - United States (California)

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60827) - you deserved it (5973)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

#20819772
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41902) - you deserved it (18248)

On 08/04/2013 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Anon - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

#20816755
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39827) - you deserved it (3845)

On 08/02/2013 at 8:41am - love - by chickety boom - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44978) - you deserved it (11031)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48805) - you deserved it (5985)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40411) - you deserved it (2521)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45592) - you deserved it (3978)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

#20906200
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43644) - you deserved it (3441)

On 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47604) - you deserved it (5191)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)



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