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Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

by foreveralone / 07/23/2013 at 5:51am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

by the un-loved child / 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

by WTF? / 08/12/2013 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

by WatchOut / 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

by what the fuck / 08/25/2013 at 3:28pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Work

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

by SadFace / 09/12/2013 at 8:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

by zachadams / 09/16/2013 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

by collegebroke / 09/22/2013 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

by Angrily Paranoid / 10/06/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

by oneiPodlighter / 10/09/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids