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Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

by DevastatedWoman / 08/11/2015 at 11:30am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

by bruised / 08/15/2015 at 11:47am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I finally got the results of months of extensive psychological testing to determine why I did so well in my course but performed so terribly on the job. Turns out I'm autistic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 11:41am / Australia / Work

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

by ok cool / 10/12/2015 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

by Stairs? Noooooo / 09/15/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

by Anon Y. Mous / 10/02/2015 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

by dramaqueen15 / 10/15/2015 at 10:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2015 at 12:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

by GonnaLockUpMySpices / 10/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

by not anymore / 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

by Secret Isis supporter / 11/18/2015 at 7:52pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

by PerturbedStudent / 12/09/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love