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Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

#21437483
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22634) - you deserved it (11042)

On 07/06/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by --- - Canada (Ontario)

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

#245
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24791) - you deserved it (12731)

On 11/07/2008 at 10:33am - work - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9670) - you deserved it (52861)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

#969
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7942) - you deserved it (35513)

On 01/11/2009 at 1:08pm - love - by Celina - United States (California)

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26971) - you deserved it (10906)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

#2738
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7014) - you deserved it (61716)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33814) - you deserved it (5035)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12274) - you deserved it (47941)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

#14095
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31368) - you deserved it (5629)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by dinosaur (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22097) - you deserved it (50200)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

#77123
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52857) - you deserved it (5373)

On 02/19/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Invisible (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, me and my girlfriend got into a fight. After giving my genius response to one of her asinine comments, I stormed out of the store, having the last word. Ten minutes later she comes out to find me in the parking lot. My car wouldn't start. She texts me "Karma's a bitch" then drives away. FML

#159138
49 comments

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

#226271
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27912) - you deserved it (38330)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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