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Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

by idiot bro / 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

by AFH2O / 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

by Tampax / 09/30/2014 at 2:46pm / Spain (Castilla-La Mancha) / Health

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

by Mc2013 / 10/12/2014 at 1:38pm / United States / Health

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, my cat tunneled her way under the covers to sleep beside me. It was really cute until she panicked in the middle of the night and practically skinned me alive trying to find her way out. FML

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

by ugh / 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

by period_probs / 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

by LonelyGuy / 12/15/2014 at 6:59am / Australia / Love

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

by Discouraged / 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek