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Today, my neighbor took out a restraining order against me. She told the cops that for the last week, I've been standing in my yard looking at her though her bedroom window. It's my blow up Santa in the yard, not me. FML

#6637794
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26988) - you deserved it (2088)

On 12/06/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

#6674325
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9162) - you deserved it (18502)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:07am - animals - by poohead (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

#6723813
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5266) - you deserved it (33138)

On 12/12/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

#7014156
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21540) - you deserved it (1930)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by runescapeftw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

#6705319
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18801) - you deserved it (7279)

On 12/11/2009 at 2:50am - health - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

#6831134
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (1895)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44pm - animals - by googly191 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

#6753896
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9510) - you deserved it (31171)

On 12/14/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got half way to the airport and realized I forgot my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then my pocket vibrated. FML

#7158067
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8032) - you deserved it (32461)

On 01/05/2010 at 1:40am - misc - by Allen - France

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

#7199217
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25251) - you deserved it (2404)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:42pm - money - by Animal_aide (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

#7492658
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5056) - you deserved it (33195)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:37am - work - by HotelClerk (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

#7618857
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17206) - you deserved it (2708)

On 01/27/2010 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Boned...hard - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

#7467721
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (3667)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:29am - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

#7375995
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5856) - you deserved it (31022)

On 01/16/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by lollerskate (woman) - United States (Texas)



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