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Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17357) - you deserved it (34582)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11109) - you deserved it (30035)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

#6499900
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30040) - you deserved it (6242)

On 11/28/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8550) - you deserved it (36234)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29377) - you deserved it (3641)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (3356)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39551) - you deserved it (2211)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

#7475893
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25069) - you deserved it (6998)

On 01/21/2010 at 3:20pm - health - by imalwaystired - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22190) - you deserved it (10808)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

#7257345
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31814) - you deserved it (2826)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:17pm - kids - by Amber (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

#13485648
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28809) - you deserved it (3395)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:08pm - love - by JustCantWin - United States (South Carolina)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40666) - you deserved it (3185)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

#7544484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31216) - you deserved it (4047)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm - health - by LadyLump (woman) - United States (California)



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