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Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

by nah / 09/09/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

by dramaqueen15 / 10/15/2015 at 10:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

by LadyLou / 11/03/2015 at 6:42am / Australia / Work

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

by anon / 01/11/2016 at 12:21pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

by noodlesandmilk / 12/13/2015 at 9:10am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

by brokebackanus / 12/18/2015 at 9:15am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment / 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

by soni_miller / 01/26/2016 at 1:02am / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

by fuckoffgramps / 01/24/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML

by jts / 02/20/2016 at 4:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

by Sandman2015 / 01/29/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

by Grimmy / 03/17/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

by :/ / 03/12/2016 at 6:36am / Australia (Queensland) / Love