Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

by pigglepigglepiggle / 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

by thewallrules / 12/05/2009 at 9:10am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

by someonesomething / 12/05/2009 at 6:24am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

by umm / 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

by Spac3Ghost / 12/28/2009 at 12:08pm / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

by Lovergirl / 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

by Mackdaddy / 02/07/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

by ositsranielle / 02/13/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

by bcoper / 02/20/2010 at 9:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

by fu2then / 03/09/2010 at 1:04am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML

by loki / 03/13/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Money