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Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

by socreepedouticanteven / 10/26/2014 at 8:05pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

by Donutsarelife / 11/19/2014 at 10:09am / United States / Geek

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

by fatty / 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

by back to cock-hunting / 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

by spreadburger / 11/20/2014 at 7:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

by financially_wreckd / 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm / Money

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

by Lily_Rain77 / 01/07/2015 at 7:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 2:57am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

by Grrrreat / 02/04/2015 at 10:16am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

by thenewgirl29 / 02/05/2015 at 11:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work