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Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (4806)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31840) - you deserved it (3184)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (3872)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35806) - you deserved it (3296)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39576) - you deserved it (3571)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

#21275948
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30011) - you deserved it (2595)

On 10/12/2014 at 12:04am - work - by thecaptainmorgan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9157) - you deserved it (51369)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

#704
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6087) - you deserved it (25868)

On 01/04/2009 at 10:57pm - misc - by Rush Snake - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

#1554
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42159) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/18/2009 at 7:41am - love - by Wenny - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

#20165
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7045) - you deserved it (58087)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by imwrong (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

#24455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23443) - you deserved it (15392)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by da man (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39418) - you deserved it (3543)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

#84898
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41139) - you deserved it (2344)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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