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Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13843) - you deserved it (3618)
On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (5964) - you deserved it (17630)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Oops54321 (man) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (1304)
On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22348) - you deserved it (6511)
On 10/28/2009 at 1:07pm - love - by thatguy (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4704) - you deserved it (12371)
On 10/18/2009 at 7:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18834) - you deserved it (2490)
On 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Busted (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26992) - you deserved it (1676)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by wrongcar - United States (Kansas)
Today, it was my husband's and my anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12994) - you deserved it (4340)
On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10716) - you deserved it (24888)
On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (6925)
On 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Stressmess - United States (Vermont)
Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (1951)
On 12/12/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put one thousand dollars on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The recipt with the 14 digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19819) - you deserved it (2387)
On 12/25/2009 at 8:20pm - money - by kraziikayce (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (2285)
On 12/21/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by goblue (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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