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Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

#14534217
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (9669)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Isle of Man

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

#17219052
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25673) - you deserved it (1856)

On 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by coffee girl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

#14752414
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (2631)

On 01/29/2011 at 1:06am - health - by Poopie (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

#16364956
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30060) - you deserved it (3882)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Username -

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

#17760005
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (1718)

On 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm - work - by Mandy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

#14990064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18786) - you deserved it (3409)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Goatbeard (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

#15020187
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20331) - you deserved it (4230)

On 02/17/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by peeved (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

#15401902
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15306) - you deserved it (8800)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:32pm - misc - by thebravelittletoaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

#15226088
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37747) - you deserved it (5378)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by dizzy (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

#20008267
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19135) - you deserved it (2359)

On 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm - misc - by HazzaBoo - United States

Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

#17958563
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23244) - you deserved it (3308)

On 10/11/2011 at 7:52am - work - by anon - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

#15298829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (9644)

On 03/13/2011 at 9:49pm - animals - by spaz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

#19440828
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14919) - you deserved it (10689)

On 04/10/2012 at 12:35am - health - by logkitty - United States (California)



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