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Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

by Azure_Mist / 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

by Mikabe / 02/14/2011 at 1:51pm / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Kids

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

by Ihavealisp / 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

by milkndstufff / 03/06/2011 at 7:50pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

by JFC! / 03/30/2011 at 9:07pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

by ihateseagulls / 04/07/2011 at 7:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

by BrisbaneCoop / 04/04/2011 at 1:13pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

by blehhx / 04/09/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Animals

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

by tbright010 / 04/08/2011 at 6:48pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

by jackpot / 05/08/2011 at 9:53pm / Venezuela / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

by fedemere / 05/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

by ven980 / 06/01/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

by Willow / 06/17/2011 at 7:32pm / United States / Intimacy