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Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

#265
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12855) - you deserved it (71817)

On 11/10/2008 at 4:11am - work - by tadam - Sent from mobile version

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

#1986
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6510) - you deserved it (46115)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Wititipwitpwit - Sent from mobile version

Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML

#3730
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31787) - you deserved it (8550)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:19am - money - by Banker - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

#66858
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61202) - you deserved it (5095)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by w_t_f (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86587) - you deserved it (7455)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

#516952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57155) - you deserved it (12810)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

#529692
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56501) - you deserved it (22926)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47620) - you deserved it (3792)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55009) - you deserved it (17237)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

#1215517
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51703) - you deserved it (7380)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DonMare (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

#1342921
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48319) - you deserved it (3706)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:35am - work - by shadowednavi (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

#3560349
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42413) - you deserved it (2902)

On 07/07/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by andrie09 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

#5813153
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35336) - you deserved it (2813)

On 10/13/2009 at 7:07am - love - by quietsleeper (man) - United States (Florida)



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