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Today, I called my boss a "fucking retard" for doing something insanely stupid, only for him to find out 5 minutes later that I did exactly the same thing. I'll never hear the end of this now. FML

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29993) - you deserved it (5207)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21349595
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35506) - you deserved it (4181)

On 02/04/2015 at 10:16am - intimacy - by Grrrreat (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

#21382364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25787) - you deserved it (16316)

On 03/27/2015 at 11:27am - misc - by BERNDTOAST - United States (Michigan)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

#21350278
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30988) - you deserved it (3593)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:42am - love - by thenewgirl29 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

#21354562
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33685) - you deserved it (3246)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Mkimmi (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

#21382482
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (4091)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:09pm - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (5942)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

#21384619
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28756) - you deserved it (4713)

On 03/31/2015 at 6:54am - health - by billy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

#21382277
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (3782)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:51am - work - by mareecasellafml (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

#21391230
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (3084)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Crazy cat lady - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

#21384707
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30285) - you deserved it (2387)

On 03/31/2015 at 12:47pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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