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Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

#21192976
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39433) - you deserved it (10623)

On 06/29/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

#21300362
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25447) - you deserved it (5210)

On 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

#21198798
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49270) - you deserved it (4483)

On 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm - work - by zl5 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29957) - you deserved it (5200)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (15669)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20319) - you deserved it (40285)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

#21245913
80 comments

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25970) - you deserved it (37344)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32043) - you deserved it (3792)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32908) - you deserved it (5024)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)



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