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Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

by fedemere / 05/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

by ven980 / 06/01/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

by Willow / 06/17/2011 at 7:32pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

by drycleanplz / 06/20/2011 at 10:33pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

by steph2052 / 07/12/2011 at 8:51pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

by sunflower226 / 08/05/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Money

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

by thatguythere858 / 08/13/2011 at 3:04pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

by bandit99999 / 08/19/2011 at 2:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

by j_babydoll6520 / 08/26/2011 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

by waj9876 / 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

by Krystyn Gareau / 09/09/2011 at 12:10am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 2:36am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

by Kate / 10/16/2011 at 10:50pm / United States / Work