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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

#19401139
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39501) - you deserved it (4550)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

#19552616
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7844) - you deserved it (25328)

On 04/30/2012 at 9:28am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

#19650597
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (1910)

On 05/20/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19007) - you deserved it (2049)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

#19764261
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15012) - you deserved it (9072)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

#19903103
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (9537)

On 07/07/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Aaron Lewis - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

#19771597
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23277) - you deserved it (2322)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

#20076048
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24015) - you deserved it (1916)

On 09/17/2012 at 10:15am - love - by jlee0000785 (woman) - Australia

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

#20060053
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6908) - you deserved it (24611)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:39am - misc - by ohhhemmgee - United States (Nevada)

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

#19987947
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20414) - you deserved it (2087)

On 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by WTF is all I ask (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

#20168720
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18111) - you deserved it (6112)

On 11/18/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

#20093571
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19756) - you deserved it (1436)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:32pm - health - by firebombtimEFUCKERS (man) - United States



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