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Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

#4591074
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46049) - you deserved it (2620)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:43am - love - by TrophyGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

#4155760
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9930) - you deserved it (34016)

On 07/30/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

#4594476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7018) - you deserved it (52980)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by SenescentSouthernBoy (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25102) - you deserved it (3207)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

#5806197
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10958) - you deserved it (19801)

On 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm - animals - by catgirl911 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

#5209452
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5293) - you deserved it (46186)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

#5225879
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25312) - you deserved it (8486)

On 09/13/2009 at 10:00am - misc - by superjstorm (man) - Philippines (Nueva Ecija)

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

#4507995
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (2678)

On 08/13/2009 at 7:14pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

#5847291
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18238) - you deserved it (2988)

On 10/15/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by sighoutloud (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

#5896652
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26845) - you deserved it (6843)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by ThePidgeon (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

#6312385
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22555) - you deserved it (4714)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Ugh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

#5929779
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9420) - you deserved it (30565)

On 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by fyourlife (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

#6337825
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21253) - you deserved it (3471)

On 11/17/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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