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Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

#3307741
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6558) - you deserved it (66828)

On 06/28/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

#1720755
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47392) - you deserved it (7001)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by sleepyt127 - United States (New York)

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

#1958201
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14868) - you deserved it (41002)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:20am - kids - by Sodge (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42972) - you deserved it (2601)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

#137765
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44859) - you deserved it (5226)

On 02/25/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Jello (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

#261898
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39946) - you deserved it (29045)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - animals - by broussimousse - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

#526932
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95785) - you deserved it (7240)

On 03/22/2009 at 5:05am - intimacy - by trina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

#676610
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59053) - you deserved it (6145)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

#590218
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15986) - you deserved it (96615)

On 03/24/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Loho (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

#884273
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62761) - you deserved it (4112)

On 04/09/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by sheryl_m (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

#1086654
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47538) - you deserved it (9331)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by Spec (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

#1634783
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47194) - you deserved it (16118)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

#3673670
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50229) - you deserved it (2350)

On 07/11/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by ollie_ollivia (woman) - United States (Texas)



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