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Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

by AFSDALK:AFSDQWE / 11/23/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I found on Facebook that my best friend of 10 years is getting married next week. I'm guessing my invite got lost in the mail. FML

by JD / 12/01/2013 at 7:43am / Australia (Tasmania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

by holy sleet / 11/29/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 6:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

by puking now / 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

by .... / 12/23/2013 at 9:48pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

by Can2 / 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

by fail / 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

by O_o / 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

by aarong / 02/10/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Illinois) / Money