Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

#94927
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (2759)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:22am - work - by Lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70950) - you deserved it (4483)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

#311198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22721) - you deserved it (63843)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by Jonnygiant (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

#529692
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52310) - you deserved it (21578)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70215) - you deserved it (7798)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

#705801
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53546) - you deserved it (16687)

On 03/30/2009 at 5:44pm - misc - by talkssuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63949) - you deserved it (4205)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

#5364824
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (3547)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML

#850361
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55663) - you deserved it (12493)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:50am - work - by GT716 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50922) - you deserved it (16013)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

#3553379
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43571) - you deserved it (3558)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:00pm - money - by BrianP (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

#3053433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38364) - you deserved it (4451)

On 06/20/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by DesDri (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

#1933415
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41679) - you deserved it (14825)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by shrimp41 (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: