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Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39409) - you deserved it (4389)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

#21272236
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35417) - you deserved it (3744)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm - misc - by thenewgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

#21303819
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (4304)

On 11/22/2014 at 10:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

#21334989
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36515) - you deserved it (2834)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:03am - kids - by StabStab (man) - Belgium

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

#21333814
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35784) - you deserved it (2961)

On 01/09/2015 at 7:06am - love - by ohdearyme - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31936) - you deserved it (3079)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (17048)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

#21300330
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33433) - you deserved it (2458)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40824) - you deserved it (5322)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

#21307548
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34967) - you deserved it (4233)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

#21367600
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33768) - you deserved it (7322)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by notdrivinganytimesoon (man) - United States (Texas)



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