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Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

#20550170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31859) - you deserved it (16040)

On 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by amberrenee91 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

#20547816
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31411) - you deserved it (2360)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:00pm - work - by innocentbarista (man) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

#20565796
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40057) - you deserved it (8850)

On 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm - love - by sarajj (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

#20563428
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32522) - you deserved it (4512)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by hellostupid (woman) - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

#20609262
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52567) - you deserved it (6711)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39675) - you deserved it (8647)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55243) - you deserved it (5325)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55898) - you deserved it (3169)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29218) - you deserved it (36742)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

#20741108
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44808) - you deserved it (6635)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by our kids will be derps (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

#20835323
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42617) - you deserved it (6356)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by cookiemonster (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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