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Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

#20839453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36608) - you deserved it (7199)

On 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm - love - by ZeroLuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39556) - you deserved it (2885)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41581) - you deserved it (5309)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33960) - you deserved it (3794)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44603) - you deserved it (4277)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

#20893921
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38242) - you deserved it (2922)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:47am - kids - by cuntsmom (woman) - United States

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

#20899435
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (2425)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by ouharguohargssdf (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30307) - you deserved it (3482)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41717) - you deserved it (4253)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40520) - you deserved it (2847)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46961) - you deserved it (7569)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37038) - you deserved it (4262)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)



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