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Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

by akasha / 04/06/2012 at 2:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

by emoflowers / 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2012 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 6:21am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

by oh lord / 05/27/2012 at 12:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a second date with a guy I really liked, and we started chatting over dinner. That's when he told me about his paranoia, and how he's unsure if I'm out to get him or not. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 12:12am / Singapore / Love

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

by Megan / 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Work

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

by thesmartone / 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML

by TheAngryBird / 06/28/2012 at 12:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

by xxccruzxx / 06/29/2012 at 9:30am / United States / Work

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

by TimeForACareerChange / 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm / United States / Work