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Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57840) - you deserved it (20538)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

#21060455
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46923) - you deserved it (8130)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm - love - by fuck you right back, cockspit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

#21070121
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17315) - you deserved it (39888)

On 02/24/2014 at 4:36am - misc - by I hate Walmart???? - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

#21083937
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35465) - you deserved it (16216)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22765) - you deserved it (42626)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

#21080535
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43597) - you deserved it (3484)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jehovah God (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58031) - you deserved it (7249)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

#21119159
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34033) - you deserved it (11003)

On 04/21/2014 at 5:26pm - work - by banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

#21127804
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39740) - you deserved it (4632)

On 05/01/2014 at 5:59am - misc - by sadSarah - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

#21139663
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41608) - you deserved it (8634)

On 05/14/2014 at 1:45pm - work - by workfordayzz - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

#21160163
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52109) - you deserved it (4003)

On 06/02/2014 at 3:33am - misc - by really?? - United States (California)



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