Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30997) - you deserved it (4963)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

#21314515
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (3459)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm - love - by thatsnice - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9554) - you deserved it (52576)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, we were out smoking a bit of spliff just walking around. We saw a place to sit down in this little car park we were walking past. The cops came over and busted us. Turns out we were in the main car park for the cop shop. FML

#922
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4735) - you deserved it (36301)

On 01/10/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by karl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

#1389
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33825) - you deserved it (2437)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Ohai - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

#4484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62650) - you deserved it (7374)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:27am - intimacy - by SuperJesus - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

#70885
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53050) - you deserved it (8412)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm - health - by blawbo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15142) - you deserved it (59645)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

#232169
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68845) - you deserved it (6207)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by ladeda (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54353) - you deserved it (3891)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called up the boy I like to ask him on a date. He said "Haha, thats a pretty good impression Chris. Next time pick someone less ugly and maybe I'd think this is real." He thought I was his friend prank calling him. FML

#243947
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82202) - you deserved it (4338)

On 03/08/2009 at 5:58pm - love - by Depressed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

#259923
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69222) - you deserved it (2898)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: